27 Things 27 Taught Me.
Last year I turned 27 on the 27th. As I finish this year of my life and begin to endeavor to the next, I wanted to share some of the lessons I learned. These 27 lessons have been hard fought and tightly embraced. I share them in hopes that you may learn something from them.
This time last year I had to cancel my grand plans for my birthday. I remember spending so much time crying and mourning the big and bold ideas I had to ring in the new year. I remember feeling so powerfuless to my life circumstances, feeling consumed by the grief that I hadn’t accomplished as much as I wanted at my age and felt like my celebrating life was too small and unimportant to celebrate as planned. I woke up on that day and told myself I would not spend a birthday like this again. I promised myself that I would commit to spending my birthday doing what I would like, whether big or small.
Before you get too worked up, It wasn’t all rain and thunderstorms on May 27th, 2024. I did things that I knew would brighten my spirits. I celebrated with a few friends, I began to rewatch my comfort TV show “Insecure” and I received a celebratory cake from one of my girls. Some of the moments from that day have still remained some of my favorites – even though my big day went nothing like I planned.
This year I spend the days leading up to my birthday focused on showing up for myself. I focused on feeling beautiful, feeling powerful and confident and bringing in the next year on my own terms. Focused on the things that would excite me and make me happy. Bringing 28 in on my own terms. As I reflect on the past year and the past birthday, more than a few lessons come to mind.
Lesson #1 → Work isn’t everything, even when it is everything.
Two years ago I took my power back and finally listened to myself. After 3 years of law school I had seen what I needed to see, I didn’t want to be an attorney. I decided that I was going back to the career that had inspired me to go to pursue the law and I went back to working in Democratic Politics full time. I don’t have to sit here an explain to you the deep loses, insurmountable pain and resonant failure I felt on November 5th. I don’t have to explain to you that my job has real world consequences, and my ability to show up fully and do my job makes the difference all across my home state of North Carolina. And despite it all, my job is not and cannot be my entire life. The world will continue to spin if I don’t respond to their email until tomorrow. The sky will not fall if I don’t attend every single meeting I am requested at and I am more than my 9-5. I deserve to spend time doing things other than work.
Lesson #2 → It’s okay to take breaks from you hobbies.
I don’t practice yoga everyday. I don’t always have a book i’m reading. And sometimes I forget to journal. I switch up my taste in music depending on the season. My hobbies are deeply gratifying and it’s okay if my relationship with them ebbs and flows.
Lesson #3 → You have boundaries, you need to identify them and enforce them.
All the corny sayings are true. No is a complete sentence. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You get what you tolerate.
Lesson #4 → You may need to go see that lady.
For my 28th birthday, the first gift I have given myself is a therapy appointment. I am never too prideful to find someone with a new perspective and new answers to my questions and concerns. Go sit on that lady’s couch and talk about it.
Lesson #5 → Learn how to self regulate, your emotions are only real to you but if you don’t have control of them, they can impact others.
Lesson #6 Routine feels good.
Workout. Wake up early. Drink water. Eat well. These become much more non-negotiable the older you get.
Lesson #7 → Don’t fake humble.
Kendrick Lamar said “I can’t fake humble because your ass is insecure” and ya’ll weren’t hearing him!!! Ya’ll is me in this case. I have a really bad habit of selling myself short — for multiple reasons. First, I have a nontraditional career path and people actually have questions for me that I am never in the mood to answer. Second, I assume everyone knows my accomplishments and qualifications when they don’t. They bear repeating. Third, I don’t seek the political limelight at this stage in my life. I’m more than okay not being the center of attention because the center of attention gets a lot put on their plate. And I want to invest more in my personal life than my professional life. All these reasons lead to me being fake humble when I really have every reason to talk my shit. So starting on my 28th birthday, i’m here to remind ya’ll why the decision makers consult me before they make their next move.
Lesson #8 → Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Lesson #9→ If it matters to you, it matters.
I had a former friend tell me that I was too sensitive and took things too personally. What I had to say mattered. And her failure to not see that it did, didn’t make it matter any less.
Lesson #10 → Half of the time I don’t need advice, I just need to do it.
When it comes to decision making, I am often indecisive. I have the tendency to use other people to arrive to decisions when I know the answer. Or, I tend to use other people as a means of self regulating my big feelings regarding a decision I know I need to make. Turn off the echo chamber. Stop constantly seeking feedback and act. Do the damn thing. You know just need to do it.
Lesson #11 → Define the season of life you’re in.
I often fall into the trap of comparison. I compare my career trajectory, my financial status, my romantic life and my entire world to the peaks and glimses I get of others. And I make broad sweeping statements about what a handful of indivduals are choosing to do with their lives at this time in comparison to me. Once I began defining my seasons of my life for myself — instead of seeing someone else in a season I will not be in for a few years or decades — I realized I move on my own time. Since graduating from law school I have had my season of consistent creation, I have had my season of deliberate healing and I have had my season of radical acceptance. I know that the magnitude of woman I am is beyond self definition. But I am not too big to label myself and the time I am inhabiting as needed.
Lesson #12 → You’re not obligated to remain friends with them. They were friends for the moment or the season, not for a life time.
Some friends are for just there to teach you what you will and won’t tolerate. What does and doesn’t work in relationship with you. Learn to let them go once the relationship is no longer mutual beneficial.
Lesson #13 → Sometimes, it really is that phone.
I am such a big fan of a social media break. Whether you log off for a year or a week, it’s easy to get caught up in the performance of living your life rather than living it. It’s easy to be consumed with the lives of those who are no longer active participants in your life. It’s easy to become consumed by the self doubt and comparison that comes when you get to see the speed in which your colleauges and former counterparts are begining their lives when yours feels much more static. Taking the time to log off the internet and focus on myself has always brought me deep moments of clarity and waves of calming energy for my nervous system. End the dopamine feedback loop, lock in and log off, babe.
Lesson #14 → You have to let go of what is no longer serving you to make space for what is meant for you.
Transition is scary. But not impossible. Let it go and wait for your desires to position themselves in your life. The void will fill with something beyond your wildest dreams if you let it.
Lesson #15 → If you don’t ask, the answer is no.
Because sometimes the answer is just that obvious. Don’t beg.
Lesson #17 → Sometimes you just need to cry. Sometimes you need to lay down. Sometimes you just need to take a break.
Big feelings are natural. And you shouldn’t hold onto the shame you had for once expressing them. Let the tears fall girl. I promise, you’ll feel better afterwards. Release is a form of rest.
Lesson #18 → Source inspiration. Seek advice. Trust your intuition.
Lesson #19 → Success look different for everyone.
Make sure you have a definition of success for yourself. Because what might be the pinnacle of success for someone else, might be a bad fit for you. There’s not a single definition of accomplishment. That’s the fun part about life. You get to choose what accomplishments and aims you want to endeavor towards. Just remember to celebrate yourself once you get there.
Lesson #20 →Alone time can be transformative in moderation. Too much of anything can be a bad thing.
Transparency moment — when i’m having a hard time I tend to stop showing up in the world. I log off my socials. I stop responding to friends and family. I hide myself. Often too long. Self isolation is one of my worst habits. Be intentional with your alone time and solo adventures, because too much of anything can be a bad thing.
Lesson #21 → Get over your fear of being seen.
Post it. Share it. Blast it over the internet. The gaze of others isn’t a threat. It’s the catalyst you’ll need to be seen and understood deeply.
Lesson #22 → There are no mistakes or failures. Just lessons learned and stories to tell.
Lesson #23 → A few deep breaths does a world of a difference when you’re overwhelmed.
Yoga Teacher Training continues to be the best investment I have made in myself and my ability to take care of my body holistically and intentionally.
Lesson #24 → Dreams have expiration dates.
I’m so thankful I didn’t end up with the things I once wanted. They were never meant for me and they were never going to satisfy my desires to live a big and expansive life. Let go of the dreams that no longer make sense and no longer serve the version of you that you are. You owe nothing to past versions of yourself and everything to the current version of yourself.
Lesson #25 → Invest in experiences and document the moments you care about.
Spend money on the concert. Go to the park by yourself. Try new things. You will never regret trying something new, even if it’s scary of expensive.
Lesson #26 → You haven’t met all of yourself yet.
Everyday provides a new opportunity to learn more about the woman I want to be. My desires. My dreams. My goals. My aspirations. I have an entire lifetime (if i’m lucky) to design the life of my wildest dream. It takes consistent and sustained effort. I have to show up so I can meet the woman I am destined to be.
