Coming Home to Myself

I ended a chapter of my life last month. I moved back to Charlotte for the Summer. After living in Raleigh for over 5 years, I am back where I started. With 3 years of law school, 4 legal internships, 2 part time jobs and 1 global pandemic tucked under my belt.

Sitting in my room feels like a hug from and old friend. We haven’t spoken in a long time, but we know each other well. It’s mint green because that was my favorite color in 2007. I have tapestries hung up on each wall because I bought a new one each year of college. I have a drawer filled with memories from being student body president at my alma matter, notes from my time with the City of Charlottes’s Civic Leadership Academy. A box filled with jewelry making tools, water colors and markers — all of my childhood hobbies. A bookshelf with classic literature you’re assigned in high school; and the fashion and makeup theory books I bought alongside them.

It’s been a stormy summer. I have watch the rain pour and taken lots of walks. I have had a few not-so-great moments that brought me to immediate reflection and self compassion for this season of my life. My decision to move back for a few months has been deliberate and intentional. Planning the next chapter of my big and audacious life requires me to reset and recalibrate. Charlotte always has the ability to do that for me.

These past few weeks have taught me alot about myself and have revealed who I plan to be versus who I ought to be. I have had the chance to reprioritze and reccommit my life to the person living it. I often get caught up in the expectations of others, living in the future and overstating the importance of my past. I am learning how to live in the present. And I know that one day in the future, I will look back at this time in my life fondly. One that I throughly documented. The first steps to my beginning. Where I finally find my clarity.

So this is what I have be doing since I came home to myself:

I am planning for financial abundance. — One of the main reasons I moved back to Charlotte for the Summer was to save money and pay down debt. There are very few opportunities in adulthood to take a step back and reset your finances. With less financial obligations and more motivation to save — I am currently ahead of my summer savings plan. I check on my accounts everyday and it has been so rewarding seeing the number grow and me inch closer and closer to my goal. Once I meet this seasons goal — I can’t wait to save my way to millions and financial freedom.

I have a renewed vigor for my spiritual practices. — I set up my altar, I track my moon cycles, I burn my incenses. I have consistently completed my morning pages and artist dates. I had a fire ritual and charge my crystals. I am meditating, reading, listening to subliminal messages. I have dived deep into the spiritual and metaphysical practices that make me feel grateful for the life I am beginning to build for myself. I have found my center and my vision is coming to life. Yoga Teacher Training had a profound impact on how I check in with myself. I have felt very in tune with my body and my spirit and I plan to keep this same energy into the future.

I am tracking my habits and creating new routines. — I have learned a lot about myself by tracking my daily actions and inactions. I bought a daily habit tracker from Amazon last month. Every evening I fill out the boxes with the habits I completed and the habits I didn’t prioritze. I am currently in the data gathering phase and I am constantly learning what things I do and do not do daily. I enjoy tracking my habits; I know I can change my behaviors because I now have a new awareness of what they are.

I am grateful for my work and I am more than it. — This month has been particularly hard for me and my job. I work from home at my mom’s house — so I have much less privacy and quiet. I have to spend a lot more time traveling up to Raleigh once a week. I don’t see my coworkers often. I feel very overwhelmed with how much work I have on my plate these days. The national Democratic Party is at an all time low approval rating, political violence is becoming rampant, protests are non-stop. And I naively think that my job makes a difference. Despite it all, I know my job makes a difference.

I am flexing my connection muscle a lot more these days. — I talk to others so much more these days. Living at home means I live with my mom and brother again. Running into family at parties and friends from school at concerts. After living by myself for 5 years, the company is nice, the familiarity is nice. I missed being known and understood. It’s been a gentle reminder from the universe that I’m not alone. I’m never alone. And during these last 5 years, there were more times than I could county where I felt truly alone. It’s nice knowing those days are behind me.

And now that I am home to myself…

Home feels good. I feel good. I can see the whole picture of the life I have been creating for myself. I created a chance for me to slow down. I am taking the time to honor the attempts, the endeavors that always brought be back to the mint green room in this corner of the big wide world.

I miss my hot yoga classes and having my own bathroom. I miss the silence my studio gave and the walk home after a long day at work. But these days I have my family a shout away. I have a neighboorhood that always feels safe and I don’t have to make eye contact with my law school on a daily basis. My mind feels more expansive and clear. I often am reminded that life will expand to your willingness to believe it is growing for you. And the world is growing for me. The world feels really big these days — even when i’m back at home.